Too Far To Fall
by Devi The Gaelet
Summary: Bella has seen too much, and fallen too far. Can anyone stop her falling further? Can she stop herself? Or does she even want to? Rating firm at M. Drugs, abuse, suicide, self-harm. Not for the faint-hearted. AU, AH. Slightly non-canon pairings. Em/R, Ed/A, J/B. All eventual. Prologue inside.
1. Prologue

******A/N:** Right, first story. I had promised myself I'd have it pre-written, and just be posting day by day. Sadly, this is not the case. Chapters will be posted as they're written.

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**Bella**

I tried, you know.

I tried to be strong.

I tried to survive.

The best I could manage was a convincing mask. The one it hurts to wear. The one I wear despite the pain. The one people assume is all there is.

I should back up a little. Not too far, mind.

Not before the pain.

Not before the fall.

But far enough that you understand. You have to understand.

You're the only one who ever could, you know.


	2. Meeting

**A/N:** Well...here it is. Chapter 1. I'll just...hide while you read this.

**Disclaimer: **Don't read lightly, rated M for a reason. This story contains dark topics, including: rape, abuse, self-harm, suicide, drugs.

_Here we go..._

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**Bella**

It was cold. Then again, it was Forks. It was always cold in Forks. The clouds hung low over the forest beyond Charlie's yard. There was frost spider-webbing my windowpane. And this was the warm season.

I had spent summer after summer here. Visiting Charlie had always been great. It was a chance to be a child, rather than act like a parent to my eccentric mother. The visits had stopped when I was eleven. I had told Charlie I was done with Forks, the same thing my mother had told him when she left with me.

I'm sure you can guess how summers here went. Fishing with Charlie. In the rain. Hiking with Charlie. In the rain. Going to the beach with Charlie. In the rain.

A common theme, right?

But that's beside the point.

I had moved back to Forks. I was going to attend Forks High. And it was cold the morning of my first day.

I climbed out of bed, stumbled to the mirror with a hand tugging at my hair. Black circles rimmed bloodshot eyes, highlighted in a pale face. Yeah, sobriety was not my friend. At least not at this hour of the morning it wasn't.

With a sigh, I dragged a brush through my haystack of hair. I cleaned the remnants of yesterday's makeup from my face.

I told myself to think positive. First day in a new school, there are only so many opportunities to fuck this up. Even if I managed to indulge all of them, to do every last thing wrong today, there would always be tomorrow to pick up the pieces.

Consoled by the thought, I rummaged through my bags for something to wear. I hadn't even thought about unpacking yet. Procrastination held far too prominent a place in my vocabulary. Instead of unpacking last night, instead of making this room feel a little like home, I had smoked joint after joint, getting higher than I had in a very long time.

It had been fantastic. Afterward, I had closed my window, sat back against pillows and blankets, and laughed. I had laughed at nothing, at everything. I had laughed at what happened to me, at what happened to those around me, at what I had done, and at what I hadn't done at all. More than anything, I laughed at the mess I had gotten myself into.

Living with Charlie? In Forks? How had I fucked up so badly that this was the best choice?

I forced myself to turn my thoughts away. Thinking about things like that, the problems I had caused would only make things worse.

I took a deep breath, and turned back to face the mirror. I'd need to cover the evidence of last night's binge before school. I'd need to sort something warm to wear. I'd need to figure out how to get the student body of Forks High not to reject me as something weird.

I knew they'd see me as a foreign entity. That much was inevitable. I wasn't aiming for acceptance, not really. Not yet. Just…not outright disgust. Nothing vitriolic.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I was pre-occupied with what they'd think of me. But I knew what it was like to wander through your school years alone. It led to trouble. And I was so damn sick of trouble.

Sighing, I fixed my face in the mirror. I got dressed quickly, not bothering to straighten the clothes once they fell roughly into place. I was grabbing my bag and slamming the door before I could convince myself to skip school.

I knew that if I had given myself half a second to reconsider, school would have gone out the window on my list of priorities.

The roar of my truck starting echoed in my head. I drove fast. Well, as fast as could be considered fast in the moving rust-heap that constituted my beat-up Chevy.

I pulled into the school lot, and I took a deep breath.

I schooled my features.

I braced myself.

I took another deep breath.

I wasn't ready. But it would have to do. This was it.

Time to face the masses.

**Jasper**

I was there on her first day. When she stepped out of that truck.

I was there, and I remember the look on her face. I remember how she stumbled over her own feet. I remember how she cursed under her breath. I remember that she looked like hell.

She was too thin. There were bags under her eyes she had obviously tried to hide. Most people wouldn't notice them. But I was used to people trying to hide their exhaustion.

She looked…hungover.

She looked like hell.

And I hadn't seen anything that hot since I left Texas and tumbleweeds behind.

She had half a head of dyed hair, and too much metal in her ears. Tight jeans, a baggy hoodie and torn-up Chucks.

Yeah. I remember her first day.

But I don't think there's a soul at Forks High that doesn't.

I mean, she was new. And we were very much deprived of novelty in our rainy, backwater, little town.

I wasn't the only one who noticed her. Every head in that parking lot turned when we heard her car door slam. Every pair of eyes followed her path to the main office. More than a few sniggers could be heard when she tripped over herself.

You could already see girls ruling her out as competition. They thought she wasn't worth their time worrying about. They probably thought she was too edgy.

You know what? For the most part they were right.

But edgy was just what this town needed. And it was just what we needed.

I turned to the people behind me. Edward, Emmet, Alice, and Rosalie. We were the Forks High equivalent of royalty. And we knew it.

"What do we think?" It was Emmet's voice that had made me turn.

"Of _her_?" Rosalie scoffed. "Nothing."

I chuckled. Smart chick. She didn't rule anyone out as competition. Not for anything.

That's my sister.

**Rose**

I stretched out lazily.

Paying attention in class wasn't really my thing. I coasted, and I maintained all A's.

Consider it a royal gift.

We all seemed to have it in abundance.

How about some background? My name is Rosalie Hale. Jasper Whitlock is my step-brother. My mother died when I was young, and when I was six, daddy dearest re-married. I got Jasper as a brother, and we were both a little happier.

We moved to Forks, and as influential members of the community, we quickly befriended children of other such families. To make that clear, us little rich kids made other little rich friends.

Edward and Emmett Cullen. They were always destined to be Forks royalty, they were old money.

We breezed through life, never wanting for anything longer than a minute before we got it. I added Alice to our elite little club in freshman year, and she's been around ever since.

But enough of the history lesson.

In fact, a history lesson was exactly the reason I was half asleep in the first place.

Ten more minutes of boredom, and the bell went.

Lunch.

We all knew her name, and when she walked into the cafeteria, you could hear it being whispered.

She looked around, probably wondering where she'd sit. She was welcome at almost any table, you could see that much.

Maybe she wouldn't be for long, but certainly for today.

Everyone wanted the inside story.

Everyone wanted a leg-up on the gossip.

The only table she would not be welcome at was ours.

We weren't exactly the 'welcoming' type.

Alice was our version of PR. She'd do the whole "hi, how are you?" thing, and find out if Bella Swan was our kind of girl.

I highly doubted she would be.

Yeah, she might look a little out there. But her dad was the Chief of Police. That made her the prime candidate to be Forks High's first narc.

And that little nugget meant she would not be good for us. Our illegal ventures were something better left unsaid.

Oh everyone knew about it, of course. Well, everyone of our own generation.

The adults remain thankfully oblivious.

Despite the thick, smoky haze in our respective bedrooms, and the little dusting of white powder left on our noses, there were no questions asked.

Snapped out of my inner monologue by the snapping of fingers in front of my face, I shook myself. Jasper was looking at me with a smirk on his face.

"What?" I was entitled to the haughtiness in my voice.

He chuckled. "Your panties are in a twist," he teased, letting that Southern drawl elongate everything.

The amount of panties he soaked with that drawl was unbelievable.

I lifted my chin. Rosalie Hale did not listen to things like this.

"My panties are _not_ in a twist, thank you very much."

He just chuckled again.

**Jasper**

Watching Rose work herself up over the new girl was more amusing than it should have been. Then again, watching Rose work herself up over anything was amusing.

I wondered idly if Alice had gotten to Bella yet. If she had, and Bella wasn't our kind of girl, I'd have to talk to her myself.

Just because she wouldn't be fun for _us_ doesn't mean she wouldn't be fun for _me_.

My question answered itself. A tiny, black-haired blur sped past us, honing in the unsuspecting girl.

"Ten says she's in," I said to the table behind me. I didn't have to turn around to know Emmett would be on that in a flash.

"Twenty. Charlie Swan? Chief of police? You really think his daughter isn't on the lookout for all things bad in Forks High?" Emmett's voice boomed, even when he used the 'inside' version. While the bass rattled the table, his words remained unheard through the cafeteria.

"Fifty. She's in." I was damn sure. No one looked that hungover and showed up to school unless they were practiced at the habit.

I turned to shake Em's hand, knowing that the deal was as good as sealed the second I had spoken.

We slapped palms, both of us eager to turn our eyes back to Alice and Bella.

The conversation would, inevitably, be short and sweet. Alice, master of subtlety, would get her point across loud and clear.

That is, if new girl Bella was _our kind of person_.

**Bella**

She said her name was Alice, and she spoke faster than the speed of light.

I was still blitzed from last night. Thinking and processing and noticing and whatnot were not doing very well.

"Hold up. Seriously. Back that whole train of thought way up. Let's try again," I forced a smile. I felt like shit, but this girl was only trying to be nice. "Hi, I'm Bella Swan, I'm new here, and my head hurts. Now, your turn."

She laughed. Not a light little chuckle, but a real laugh, from way down in her stomach.

"I'm Alice, and we're going to be friends. Three guesses as to that headache, and I'm guessing a little too much…herbal relief last night. Yes or no?" She quirked a perfectly sculpted black eyebrow.

I could feel what little colour I had regained dribble down my chin and hide somewhere in my toes. "Am I that obvious?"

Shit. Shit shit shit. Charlie is the chief of police here, I can_not_ get caught doing this shit. Not here.

Tiny Alice laughed again, her spiky black halo of hair bobbing.

"Not obvious, Bella, jeez. Just visible to those who know the signs. Come with me. There are some people you're going to really like."

She grabbed my hand, and pulled me with her to a lunch table by large glass windows.

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**A/N:** Well? How'd I do?

I hope you guys like, or don't hate. Please review, I'm kind of not sure if I'm continuing this.

All yours, guys.

_Devi_


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